So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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