If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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