I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Buhtt sex?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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