we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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