Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize