Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
