So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think your dad took our porno
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize