hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
