This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
