R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize