his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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