We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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