Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
