does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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