I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
