We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
