Just cropdusted the office
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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