I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
