You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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