I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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