I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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