Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
