Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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