Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
