he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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