i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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