They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
