I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
