Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
