Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
