there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
