Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
