To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
