you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
