I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
