I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He passed out mid-signature
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize