everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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