woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
