i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
