R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize