i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
