I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
