my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
