He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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