Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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