the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
