At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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