It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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