I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
