This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
