i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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