I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We're facebook friends in real life
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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