Have you finally orgasmed yet?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
