If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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