I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
