True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
