the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
