So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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