I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
