I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
