It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
