Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
