I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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