How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
